I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
