now i know why i became what i already was.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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