Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
