there's paper in my vomit.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
