4 words: hood of his car
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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