She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
even my farts smell like vagina
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
