She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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