i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
