I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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