It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize