u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
