she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
