Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
