so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
