You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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