You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
