Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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