i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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