Screwed.edu
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
