I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
