I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
