Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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