She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
