Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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