i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
