Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
