You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
