He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
