i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
