dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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