we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
