It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
