Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
