In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
