Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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