apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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