Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
