i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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