I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
