My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
