I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Drunk is a universal language darling
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize