I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You have to summon your inner elephant
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize