Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize