thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
