Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
