Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
