I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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