just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
