Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
