Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
