HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
