You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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