That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
