I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
