i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
