Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
