The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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