1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
