Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
