he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
