She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
