My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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