There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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