Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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