as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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