I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
