home. puking in laundry basket.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I use my feet as sexual weapons
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize