theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
