I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
