In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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