there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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