The brown eye won't let me do that either.
honey bunches of taint.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
